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MAR Title: “Our Limitation as Doctors”
Date of Observation: November, 2005
Narration:
It was supposed to be another ordinary night of duty. As I was about to take my Emergency Room post nearing midnight, the PA system called my attention “ Dr Gray, Dr. Gray to Surgery ER please” The paging system echoed along the entire hospital hallway. I said to myself, just another dying patient, perhaps a vehicular accident victim, stabbed victim or worse gunshot victim. Well, what’s new? When you often see dying patients day in and day out, it becomes a conventional thing. You get easily detached from the situation. It was always like watching a film or a story being told on a third person point of view, the only difference is that it was happening right in front of you.
I dashed quickly to the Emergency Room, and saw a fairly young looking man, at his early thirties, bathed and soaked in his own blood. A GSW victim, point of entry: right mid-hemiabdomen. Blood pressure, palpatory, Cardiac Rate barely audible. Cardio-pulmonary resuscitation went on as usual, fifteen to twenty minutes of bagging and chest compressions. Electrocardiogram ran flat, and now the pronouncement, the moment of explanation to the loved ones.
After talking to the relative and perhaps the victim’s wife, I learned that the patient was about to fetch his wife to go out for a anniversary date. Unfortunately he was robbed and allegedly resisted causing his own life.
After gathering my stuff, I could not help but watch his wife. While she kissed goodbye his husband’s lips tearfully and said, “Papa, I love you, happy anniversary” repeatedly. He then took a small box out of her pocket. To my surprise, it was a locket ( which I believe was meant for a anniversary gift), she tried desperately to put it on his husband’s non-moving body. I was touched. If I could only do as much to save his life, I would…
Insights: ( Discovery, Stimulus, Reinforcements / (Physical, Psychosocial, Ethical)
The post CPR scene hit me. It is one of those moments that would always remind me that losing a patient in your own hand is not merely an ordinary event- a conventional thing. In every life that is lost, a grieving family is left behind. I felt a sense of guiltiness that I should have saved his life. I felt bad for him that night not only because I was sad for his loss, but more so because I felt my physical limitation as a doctor. As much as I would like to save lives, death seemed to be unpreventable. Sometimes, as I witnessed death and human drama unfold right into my eyes, situations that I can not do anything but watch how my patient battled for his/her life and loss, I kept questioning myself is there a way to prevent this from happening? Perhaps none…
The best way is to accept reality- our limitation as doctors…